Like An Asbestos Blanket Covers Flame

I’m swimming in a pool of dark

People who've lost their way,

Or never knew how to find it.

We bump into each other,

You say I bumped into you,

You throw words and fist my direction.

Jesus said we shine,

Lights in a perverse generation,

I feel your darkness, my darkness,

Quenching light,

Like an asbestos blanket covers flame.

Can’t count the ways we've parted with principle,

Walked away from preserving life,

Choosing self-preservation,

Not realizing it’s not a stand at all,

It’s a fall,

At least that’s what theologians call it.

Saving self seems worthwhile,

A busted life preserver,

Principles not fleshed out

Preserver without air,

Whitewashed sepulcher like a zombie with make-up on.

We come full circle,

We find our life by losing it,

Strength to stand because we’re already dead.

Riches in broken clay,

He shines and sets souls on fire,

Saving bodies from drowning,

As in the days of Noah,

This time we get on board.

Maintaining Joy: The Tools In My Toolbox

“Maintaining the joy of faith in the face of horrific evil does not hap­pen by coasting. It happens by conquering.” —John Piper, Spectacular Sins and Their Global Purpose in the Glory of Christ

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!”—Philippians

Joy is not consistently found upon waking up.  Most think that joy is a natural occurrence in the same way that ‘being in love’ on your first date should feel the same as ‘being in love’ after ten years of marriage.  Neither occurs without a determined decision. 

The way feelings work is counter-intuitive.  Larry Crabb delineates a process by which we arrive at our feelings: fact, faith, feelings.  We believe a fact.  We take that fact by faith.  Our feelings follow.  The process involves disciplined thinking wherein we choose to believe the truly right thing. 

Feelings are simply framed by perception.  I’ve found it helpful to define problems in terms of first world or third world problems (h/t GB).  Some weeks ago our washing machine stopped its agitating only to agitate us.  For many throughout the rest of the world the amount of clean water we use to wash clothes would provide basic healthy sustenance.  Framing the problem correctly keeps me from becoming anxious over my first world problems.

Work’s been a wearying battle lately.  The current trend in retail is to demand more from the employees while providing less for customers.  This frustrates me.  Learning to lead others stretches me outside my comfort zone.  I try leading with gentleness and patience.  Some days I lead well.  On others I let people down.  The wrong perspective would easily lead me into destructive behaviour.

I remind myself that God is in control.  He has the view from eternity.  I quote Spurgeon to myself,

 "The man who has got Christ has got everything. There are all things in one in Christ Jesus, and if you once get him you are rich to all the intents of bliss. What, have Jesus Christ, and be discontented? Have Christ and murmur? Beloved, let me chide you gently, and pray you to lay aside that evil habit. If you have Christ, then you have God the Father to be your protector, and God the Spirit to be your comforter. You have present things working together for your good, and future things to unravel your happier portion; you have angels to be your servitors both on earth and in heaven. You have all the wheels of Providence revolving for your benefit; you have the stones of the field in league with you; you have your daily trials sanctified to your benefit; and you have your earthly joys hinged from their doors and hallowed with a blessing; your gains and your losses are alike profitable to you; your additions and your diminutions shall alike swell the tide of your soul's satisfaction…”

In understanding that God has a greater purpose I realign myself with joy.

At the end of the day there is one other significant weapon in the arsenal.  Find friend or family to make you laugh.  On most days my close friends (and I include my wife among these) help restore perspective.  One person I know is fond of saying, “Tell me what I would tell you if the roles were reversed.”  Positive relationships keep us from being overwhelmed by closed thinking and thoughts only of self.

Maintaining joy is work.  It’s not always as easy as singing “The Sun will come up tomorrow.”  It’s a daily decision to hunker down and keep fighting.  The song in the night will be worth it when it comes---but it won’t come if you’re not engaged mentally.

A Wash In Trouble

I’m thinking I should stay far from flowing water.  Today should have been an easy drive into work.  There were no signs indicating otherwise.  That’s the problem actually.  There were no signs.  There were none of the usual signs indicating a road closure. There was no blockade telling drivers to “Stop.”  So I kept driving. 

I had a hunch that the pelting rain on top of the pass would create some flooding on the plain.  So I wasn’t surprised to hit some wet sand and immediately a patch of water.  No problem navigating those.  My brain lit up in the same millisecond the headlights fixed on water coursing across the highway.  It was too late to do anything but continue driving straight---through water, mud, rocks and sticks all swept down the wash as water sought a place to rest.  I breathed a sigh of relief as I came out the other side.  The indicator light began to flash on and off-a tire was losing air pressure. 

The wife and I were visiting her brother-in-law for vacation.  Her brother is an avid outdoorsman, kayaker, rafter and water-guy who encouraged me to take a rafting trip on a section of easy water.  I’d spent some hours kayaking and canoeing in the past (in novice situations) and had never had any trouble.  In Boy Scouting we’d canoed down a portion of the Colorado River with no issues.  “Piece of cake,” I thought.  As anybody knows, rafting is completely different than kayaking.  It’s awkward, there’s no great place to rest your feet and little security to keep one in the vessel. 

The bro-in-law gave me a quick (all you’ll ever need to know about rafting in two minutes) course in rafting.  Three of us took the boat to the water and began paddling downstream.  Somewhere between the shouting of a direction and the practice of my stroke I moved my foot again—seeking comfort and foothold.  That second the raft went up and so did I.  I flew out of the raft and began floating over rock and wood while trying to get my head about me.  Finally I was pulled into the raft; flesh slightly damaged, ego suffering significantly.

The bruises my flesh sustained on that rafting trip are almost gone.  I’m certain I suffered an ingrown toenail as a result of the pounding; and the blood-blister under my fingernail is almost gone.  As for today’s adventure, the tire lost air due to a damaged rim.  The rim was easily repaired and the tire remained intact.  Still all these things are causing me to think about water anew.  I’m thinking about water in a new light-the light of photographing it from afar.  I’m running from running water and sticking to lakes and swimming pools—with lifeguards on duty.

The Danger of Hero Worship

We Christians easily engage in hero worship.  We enjoy a rock singer, a disc jockey or a preacher and we put them on a pedestal.  I suspect that’s one reason Brant Hansen gave up his gig.  I suspect he felt he was becoming the focus of worship and not the Christ he served.  That too is the reason God didn’t plop Moses into a cemetery grave---He did not want the Lawgiver worshipped.  That too is why Calvin chose an unmarked tomb.  If you want to read his works you can, but if you want to pay respects to his body you’re out of luck.  Fortunately I don’t have to worry about being anybody’s’ hero.

To quote Mercy Me, “I’m not saying follow me; I’m not the one who leads…”  I just share life hoping we can walk alongside each other and be encouraged.  Take today for example.  Management changed the schedule I wrote and shorted me a person.  It’s a more complex situation than that but today that was the case.  It frustrates the heck out of me to work in a customer service position and not be able to provide good service.  I spent a chunk of my day wrestling with anger and flip flopping from thought to thought.  I prayed for a good attitude, I prayed to walk in the Holy Spirit and I prayed for those who are persecuted for righteousness in other countries.  Then I’d flip into anger and quote Psalm 58:10 which speaks of God’s vengeance.  So hero I’m not.

The thing about hero worship is that it’s usually make believe.  We place perfect people in little alcoves for worship and there are no perfect people.  Our real worship needs to be God directed.  That means being real with who we are.  We wrestle to be better.  Certainly we can emulate, after all Paul said, “Follow me for I follow Christ.”  God has never been satisfied with the worship of clay idols in place of Himself.  “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves…”

Family, Dinner and the Dissolution of Americana

A yellow Formica table is the focus of numerous frames in the movie, The Bridges of Madison County.  The table, a slice of Americana, says to the viewer, “In a normal family, normal people, in normal times; there’d be talk and laughing around me.”  Today in our homes the kitchen table is no longer the center of meal times. Life isn't shared there; bread isn't broken.

Is there magic in a couple or a family sitting around the table at meal times?  For children and teenagers the statistics are solid, according to a number of reports issued by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University (CASA), children who eat at least five times a week with their family are at lower risk of developing poor eating habits, weight problems or alcohol and substance dependencies, and tend to perform better academically than their peers who frequently eat alone or away from home. Beyond that the blessing comes in connecting.

Growing up I ate dinner around a round white Formica table in a kitchen with walls painted orange (hey, it was the 60’s).  Mom fixed dinner then served my sister and me.  I don’t remember my dad joining us—ever.  When I got older the home routine ended so I began showing up for dinner regularly at my best friends’ house.  He was one of four children and his mom prepared terrific dinners.  Their dad was always home for dinner.  These were rich times of sharing, laughter (lots of laughter) and significant connection.  That family has stayed strongly connected through all these years.  Mine---not so much.

A quick aside here regarding technology.  Part of the rich ritual of gathering for dinner is that of talking.  So it doesn’t count if everybody is at the table with their own devices, downloading their apps and updating their own Twitter feed.  It’s about relating while eating.

The Formica table holds its rightful place in the belly of the home, in the center of the kitchen.  Strong relationship and deep bonds are formed here over food.  Granted it’s not a magic formula.  I’m certain families that eat together crash and burn.  Still, the families I know that eat dinner together are the ones strongest together.

The Church and the WASP (Walled, Anglo, Separated and Protected)

“Vanilla,” is the one word descriptor we chose for the town of Fort Collins, Colorado.  During our one week stay we saw maybe four people that couldn't be described as White-Anglo.  The U.S. Census affirms this observation, indicating that 89% of the population is white.  Interestingly Portland, Oregon is roughly identical whereas Redlands, California is 73% white.  The violent crime percentage in Fort Collins is 2.69%, compared to 5.17% for Portland and 4.24% in my neighborhood.  I've been discussing these statistics with the average Christian.  To my dismay most are eager to go live in a safe, protected place like Colorado. 

In his book Radical, David Platt says, “We do have to give up everything we have to follow Jesus.  We do have to love him in a way that makes our closest relationships in this world look like hate.  And it is entirely possible that he will tell us to sell everything we have and give it to the poor.” He goes on saying, “…we don’t want to believe it.  We are afraid of what it might mean for our lives.  So we rationalize these passages away…..A nice middle-class, American Jesus.  A Jesus who doesn’t mind materialism…A Jesus who wants us to avoid dangerous extremes, and who, for that matter, wants us to avoid danger altogether.”  The church would largely have a Jesus that would want us to flee to the safety of a city with a very low crime rate rather than moving into a place where you will have impact.  We are to be salt and light; not hidden and hiding. 

These conversations with those safety-seeking Christians leave me disheartened.  Though it motivates me to continue to be a catalyst for change.  It’s a change that should be obvious and easy to see with an open Bible.  William Carey, the father of missions said, “Expect great things from God; attempt great things for God.”  But if we live a protected, safe life there is no need for God to do great things.  Dying and daring for God allow us the richness of joy and depth of delight when He proves Himself---over and over.

Hunger Stays

“Through the blessing, through the bleeding, the hunger stays.”---Charlie Peacock

“All a man’s labor is for his mouth and yet the appetite is not satisfied.”---Ecclesiastes

Who is more content; the man who has millions of dollars or the man with twelve children?  The man with twelve children is more content---he wants no more.

On the surface we are all after the same thing.  We want more because we believe it will satisfy us.  The wise man knows that this striving for more is just chasing shadows.  I write this on the eve of moving into a bigger house with a bigger kitchen and a nicer view.  The house will add rich texture and elbow-room to my already comfortable life.  Underneath it all though I know it’s only shelter from the wind.

There is this constant tug-of-war between contentment and wanting more; really more balancing act than battle though.  Wanting more isn’t necessarily bad or evil it’s the heart behind the hunger that decides if motive is pure or self-seeking.  Yet I know that throughout I always have this deeper hunger for something that satisfies soul and delights my heart at a far greater depth than this world ever touches.

C.S. Lewis says that art, music and literature led him to realize a “…common quality to the three experiences; it is that of an unsatisfied desire which is itself more desirable than any other satisfaction.  I call it Joy….I doubt whether anyone who has tasted it would ever, if both were in his power, exchange it for all the pleasures in the world.”  It is in the seeking of God that the joy is found; the fulfillment that caused Lewis to pen Surprised By Joy many years after discovering his own hunger for it.

The seeker looks to an answer for the stirring he feels when he hears great music or reads a classic novel.  The Christian looks to Him in whom we are satisfied and realizes that this side of Heaven---the hunger stays.

Fear Is One Of The Greatest Barriers To Coming Alive

Fear is one of the greatest barriers to coming alive.  It’s not fear of evil or being scared of big bugs that show up in your bathroom uninvited.  Fear of the mundane is a great obstacle that we must overcome.  It’s an aggregate of little things like not telling your boss what you think of an idea because of the imagined consequences.  It’s the not blogging about an issue because of backlash or not preaching a message because people may leave your church-in droves.  Every one of those decisions keeps us stuck in the grayness of not living.

There’s a call to wisdom involved in the process.  It’s going to take some inner fortitude to choose truth and life over status-quo.  There are people that have enough spine to do it and they do it Type A style.  They leave a trail of dead bodies in their wake as they live a life of coming alive.  I’m not so sure that is worth the trade-off.  I prefer living bodies and encouraged people. I’ve got to have somebody in my corner.  I start with God saying, “Perfect love casts out fear.”  I don’t know all that means but I know He’s in my corner.  My wife’s in my corner too.  She gives me encouragement to be alive, and, she let’s me know if I’m going Type A rather than walking in grace and truth.

Have you ever thought about that Thoreau quote, “If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away?”  The man’s companions are keeping up a routine pace; same, same, over-and-over, same, same, over and over….That’s what we’re up against.  There are few that will come alongside us when we choose life.  Few will salute, many will slander and insult.  Naïveté is sometime a good thing but on some end you must know that fear is the companion of most mankind.  Choosing fullness over fear will not make you popular but it will make you come alive. 

Barren Exposure and Deep Healing

I felt cold in a place that is usually protected from air, from cold and from exposure.  I thought, “Oh, no.”  My pants had ripped.  It is unnerving to be exposed.  A hole in one’s crotch may go unnoticed by others but I felt unsafe, undressed and unprotected.  I wasn’t naked yet I felt that way.  We prefer protected and private lives.  Being open and exposed opens one up to benefits and downfalls.

James tells the church to “confess your sins to one another.”  To which we respond, “What?”  The movie’s hardly begun and James has the main man handicapped with imperfection.  I know that’s not the self I choose to project; the fallen, imperfect, not-at-all-together self.  No!  I want you to see the perfect self.  Heck, I want to be the perfect person.  Instead my mistakes and dark-hearted failures flicker against my movie screen mind in an ever running film.  James is adamant though; we are a sinful people and we must confess them.  To God, right?  Yes but also to one another.

If you do this, says James, healing will come.  That’s the hook, the hope for a happy ending.  The process calls me to be vulnerable.  I scream out—that’s not me.  I want safe.  I want protected.  I feel the cold air and it frightens me.  I sense that the hero must suffer.  The treasure’s stored in a vessel that must be cracked to get at the gold. 

I located some duct tape and made a weak patch for my pants.  I spent the day guarded.  I made small moves and didn’t bend.  Yet God tells us that it’s in our laying open that healing begins.  Now we make small moves toward openness.  We seek solid safe relationships and we share life; grainy, stop-and-start lives on a messy screen.  We put it out there trusting that this isn’t going to be a one act, one-fix thing.  We’re in it for the long haul.  We’re shooting for healing, trust and openness not some temporary fix that keeps us cowering in the dark. 

Proper Perspective and Plate Spinning

If you’ve seen The Princess Bride you know this truth; when life gets overwhelming: go back to the beginning.  The Apostle Peter said it differently; “I will always be ready to remind of these things, even though you already know them…”  As noted in my last post this is a full season for me.  It’s not been a brutal time as some I’ve lived through.  Still it is to easy to keep spinning the plates and throwing on more platters until the whole thing feels it’s going to topple.  For me it’s both physical and mental; I’ve lost perspective.  When that happens I go back to doing the things that center me.

You have to be willing to set the plates down for a moment.  It means you’ve got to be a student of yourself.  Close friends who know what grounds you are important too.   I read.  Reading reminds me why I’m spinning the plates.  I process as I write.  I ride and I hike to remind my muscles what my brain says about spinning plates.  Today I (figuratively) dusted off my Bible---to be “reminded,” though I already know.  Play is good too.  The daughter wants to go on a hike and take pictures.  Perfect.

At times I’m so focused on the plate spinning that even penciling in play becomes another plate.  So I have to step away.  Time to take a deep breath, relax and get perspective.  I’ve got good things going.  Without sane, rested and restored perspective all I do feels like juggling plates.  My life’s more than that.  Better than that.  I’ve got to leave the stage and get quiet.  Then I find center.  Now I’m back in the game better than ever.