Call from Relatives

I got a message on my cell phone from my Aunt Lynn and Uncle Jack in Yonkers, NY. I’m not going to call them back. The main reason is that if I did call them back, the conversation would go something like this:

“Hi, Dillo, it’s your Aunt Lynn calling. Uncle Jacks on the other line. We talked to mom, dad, Sis, Steve, Karen and your dog, and they told us the news. So, how are you? Mom tells us you guys are separated. She ran off with the Tile man? Was he union? It’s so important that he’s union. Isn’t that right Jack? President Bush is anti-union.”

Jack says, “But pro Israel.”

“Israel, Shmizrale. Dillo, we only hope and pray you should be well and not to worry. Did Cousin Steve tell you my leg is swelling up? God bless Cousin Steve, he always calls to say hello. And how’s H? How old is she now? We haven’t seen her for so long; she’s probably all grown up already.
We know it’s probably painful having to think about all this. So what happened? Mom kinda told us; but we thought we should call and hear it from you. Anyway, there’s other fish in the sea. Do you know any other nice girls out there in California?
Anyway, we have a neighbor; what was her name Jack? Carmenita, may she rest in peace. I think she was catholic. Anyway, little Spanish girl; her husband ran off with his cardio therapist. She was all upset. Took off right out the window of the co-op. Nearly hit Jack’s car. We really need to move that car to a garage. You remember the car, Dillo? It’s still in great shape. Anyway, be well, not to worry. We wish you would have called. You know you can call anytime, since we don’t get out that much anymore; what with Jack being almost 100, and me and my leg and heart. Wish you could come out here soon again.
And what’s with Sis’ thyroid? She probably needs rest. She should come visit. You know, she and J- have never come visit us.
Take care and be well.”

“Yes, be well. All of our love.”