Since The Passing Of My Mother

We all have anniversaries we’d rather not celebrate. This week marks four years since the passing of my mother. I wouldn’t have given it thought but for a stirring in my subconscious, a change in the weather, a hint in my soul like an aftershock that took me off balance. In my case it was fifty years having my mother present then she was gone.

For me the loss of my mom imperceptibly changed my life. It’s not that I was exceeding close to my mom. Toward the end of her life we got together about once a month. I’d drop by and stay the night. She’d fix me breakfast in the morning. We would stay up late and chat; mostly about things that didn’t matter much. Once in a while the topic would turn serious and mom would share her thoughts regarding the situation.

My sister once referred to mom as the anchor of the family. Primarily this was because all family oriented events occurred in her house. The house and my mom were the hub for the get-togethers. My mom’s food and hospitality were the glue that held the occasions together.

My life has seen many changes over the last four years. Four years seems an eternity now. In that light I find it strange, even unsettling, that the simple connection I had with my mom gave ballast to my life. I can’t even say exactly what I miss just that there is a lost connection floating here in space.

There is nothing to be done. There is only the taking of a deep breath and celebrating some moments of silence to remember. Then the grasping of the nearest unshakeable thing and the moving forward til the next tremor hits.