16 Years and 82 Days

I noticed that I play with it a lot. I find myself using my thumb to twist the empty space where it formerly dwelt. Sixteen years and 82 days
that I’ve continuously worn this ring. Thursday, at the signing of the divorce documents, it will have been roughly 2 full days that I’ve gone without it on my finger. In an earlier post, I framed my thinking; perhaps I would wear the ring until the ink on the document was dry. But for all that, there seems little point in wearing it one or two more days for ritual’s sake. I had grandiose visions of pulling it off with a flourish at the signing of the document. Being as it will only be myself and my attorney, this seems rather ridiculous. The bottom line, I suppose, is that there is no expectation for reparation of the marriage. Kristina has signed her first name, and, oddly, my surname, to the document of dissolution. What remains is my signature, and the final court filing on May 12.
A dear friend advised that I keep a journal close by to chart the spectrum of emotion I go through as I walk take these final steps in the process. I expected more elation, currently though, melancholy. I expect that will turn to elation shortly, as word gets out and the women line up at my door. But I digress.
There remain significant questions. On the one hand, God has been ever present throughout and has wrought great things in the midst of this. In contrast, I still question God’s handling of the entire situation. I take solace with the Psalmist;

“But as for me, my feet came close to stumbling, My steps had almost slipped. For I was envious of the arrogant, As I saw the prosperity of the wicked…Pride is their necklace, The garment of violence covers them.
My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever…..But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord God my refuge, That I may tell of all Your works.”