Undergoing counseling is much like being an onion on the way to a meal. There is a cutting, a removing of layers and some stinging tears. Was a time there was a stigma in admitting time on the therapists couch. In some Christian circles there still is. In my life God has done some positive work in the balance between counseling, teaching and community.
The Casting Crowns song, Who Am I, was released in October of 2003. My daughter was turning seven. That Summer I rode Seattle-to-Portland for my first time. I was two years into a new mortgage, two years into a new job. Little known to me I was five years from signing divorce papers. In the midst of this whirlwind God was doing some serious work. The Casting Crowns song affirmed an understanding that was gaining hold in me. I was beginning to get hold of the truth that “the eyes that see my sin would look on me with love and watch me rise again?” In slicing my onion skin God was freeing me to live in greater joy and freedom.
The counseling couch didn’t happen in a vacuum. Outside of the therapists office I was involved in a local church. I had a close circle of friends that cared for me that were willing to work through hard truths. I read a lot. I wrestled with my weakness and kept giving it to God. The translucent skin peeled to reveal another layer.
Today I think I laugh more. I certainly sing out loud more. I am less self conscious. There is a deeper joy; a greater freedom to be myself. I am still in the peeling process. Now my skin is not as thick nor my walls so high. It’s a freeing process though not a comfortable one.
Photo courtesy of Jenn Durfey
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