God Of Wild Outside

In childhood bed with wheezing lung, I couldn’t sleep just gasp,

I’d set my mind on storybook scenes and roads and maps.

Burdens change, that wimpy kid, anxious and alone,
Found solace when by foot or car he set out on his own.

A fledgling man in mothers’ house, never felt at home,
Find a squiggle on a hiker’s guide, lace up and out to roam.
Bottled up with teenage rage, always asking why,
Hoping that there’s a god who hears when shouting at the sky.

Inside my room with panting breast, I need a God of wild outside,
Who places stars in motion and boundaries for the tides.

In a scorched and aching place upon a desert path,

Atop a climb a tiny stream yields a patch of grass.
Hope rises up beside a sob for a future yet unseen,
Creation reminds me once again that you promise pastures green.

In open field by red painted barns, wild geese go drafting by,
Or crashing waves on white-washed beach, I cease from asking why,
There’s a hint, an unbroken place, nature writes a note,
In honey-sweet Wisteria, maple-syrup creosote.

When I’m dying and can’t catch a breath, I need a God of wild outside,
Who thunders in the heavens and makes chariots His ride.

The Safety Of Fences

I grew up in a house without fence or hedge. At which my sister would yell, “But our house had a hedge all around it!” There were no immaterial hedges. For example as a teenager I had no curfew and only needed to call my mother and give her my location and estimated time of return to home. So it was that I had much confusion and anxiety in my youth.

Imagine my excitement years later to find out that God had provided a fence and guide for me. There were directions for what was best for me. There was a place to run when the world got too scary. There were boundaries which kept me protected. In midlife I continue to depend on this guide to hedge me in and keep me safe.

Midlife has no guarantee that terror will not press in. Some pressures are greater; one knows more people that have died. The ignorance of youth gives way to clarity---this is a two edged sword. Conviction in one’s decisions is easier. The list of those you know that have crashed and burned is longer. It is easy to imagine the worst.

I could have grown up with no safety net. Then the terrors of life would lead to angst and spiral into a death dive. Instead I find hope in the ‘light unto my feet and light unto my path.” I run to the one that calls the descendants of Abraham His friends encouraging them, “Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.”---Isaiah 41:10

“Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the Lord, who counsels me…”---Psalm 16