Twisted

Written as a submission to Dallas Art House in response to this year's Origin theme 'On Darkness.'

I’ll make it mine”, age-old thought in a little boys’ brain,

Child’s plaything, magnifier.

I can feel its smooth leather pouch,

In my pocket,

It channels the sun, what twig and beetle burned,

Now burns in me.

“That girl is fine,” A king whose lust won’t be tamed,

Smokin sweet, trophy wife.

Baby you’re going to get lucky,

On my mattress.

From Adams’ rib both lips and breasts satisfy,

And makes hungry

“I’ll be divine,” A creature who wants just to reign,

Proud cherub, anointed.

Your god only wants you happy,

Comes the whisper.

The Liar promises life in taste and tree,

Whose fruit is death.

“I am the vine,” cure the sick and heal the lame,

Whore lover, law breaker.

Cannibal? You said eat your flesh,

To come alive.

Nail in bone for boasts of God their fury spent,

The cost for me.

Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash

A Man's Man

Where do I look for a man’s man,
To teach me to praise, dance and sing?
I turn back to my Old Testaments’ nub,
To Jesse’s root; David the King.

For God’s honor he fell a Philistine.

He took Bathsheba to Gods’ chagrin,
Still his heart longed for his Shepherd,
God loved the kings’ heart within.

Oh, the depth of my own carnality,

No hope of standing clean before the Son,
David had an innocent’s blood on his hands,
Bright white like snow in Psalm Fifty-one.

I’ve two left feet and it’s all about me,

How will I look in another’s sight?
David cared only for Yahweh’s eyes,
Kicking heels up with all his might.

Where do I look for a man’s man,

When inside there’s a scared little boy?
When David tired of facing life’s fight,
In God’s presence he finds fullness of joy!

Where do I look for a man’s man,
When time comes for leaving all men,
To walk in the Valley of Shadow,
Goodness and mercy will still follow me then.

Photo by Akira Hojo on Unsplash

The Darkness I Fear You'll Send

 

Nuke Oatmeal for cholesterol, fresh ground coffee, that’s my morning,
Hot shower, clean water, scented shampoo.
Read verses from my monogrammed-leather-bound bible,
Fed-ex drops a box on my doorstep,
Like the shoe I fear will drop,
The darkness I fear You’ll send.

Tension mounting in my shoulders, ever-present, this foreboding,
Storm brewing, rain coming, bad moon rising.
Hear the Ted talks speak to the wounds of childhood trauma,
Children expect hugs in the darkness.
Locusts devour the crop,
The blessed season up-end.

Sirens blaring out my window, scrolling Meta, isn’t helping,

Barren well, deer panting, heart desiring.
See all of the boundaries fall in pleasant places,
Peace erupts from a different mindset,
May the anxiety stop,
As I trust You to defend.

Petraeus, Pride and Protection

The General Petraeus scandal reminds me of the scandal of another military leader: “In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king’s men and the whole Israelite army….From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her.” My purpose isn’t to focus on General Petraeus but on the sin he committed. Know that I write both as one that has experienced the betrayal of adultery and as one that has committed sexual sin. I do not cast the first stone.

I can only imagine the pain, shame and embarrassment this has brought to all concerned especially wife and children. Beyond that it certainly has impacted many as the ripple circled out from the initial admission of guilt; those serving under the General as well as those that respected him. Like David’s sin it was a private act with far reaching consequences.

The text says that King David ‘sent Joab out.’ I wonder if General Petraeus also sent his leadership away that there would be no immediate accountability. I am certain that he has many serving with him that have his back in the field of battle and in daily public life. It is sad that there wasn’t someone there who had his back before his shirt was off.

It was pride that set him up for his fall just as it did for King David. Humility is our first protection from attacks of the flesh. Rather than send our friends away we need to open up our lives to them. We must be willing to be accountable. This means that they have the right to ask us how we are doing in the private areas of our life. We give them accessibility. We keep short accounts with our friends/or our accountability partners. When we screw up we admit it. Pride does not allow such open sharing of human frailty.

“Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her.” One has to go through many steps to maintain an adulterous affair. In the case of the King this eventually led to murder. I do not know all the steps Petraeus maintained but I suspect one at his level could manipulate much to hide much. At that point you have closed yourself off to the world to maintain your sin. How much easier it would have been to open yourself up to a few trustworthy men?

We are told that King David had a heart for God. The conclusion is easy to draw; if David could commit such a horrible sin so could I. In the grocery store magazine covers (like that of Time magazine) shout out the sad story of the General’s sin and fall. It should be warning to each of us (and not men only) that pride comes before a fall. David’s fall began in Spring but every season has its dangers. Let us stay humble and transparent that the enemy may not gain a foothold.

But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called “Today,” so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.—Hebrews 3:12

On Finishing Well

Early in his cycling career my friend Dee would go full speed out of the gates then crash and burn at the end of each long ride. Most of us look great coming out of the gate. Like Dee we look strong, fast and invincible. It’s not how we do in the first stretch that matters. What matters is how we finish.


I haven’t listened to my Jennifer Knapp CD for some time. It’s not that I don’t still enjoy her music. It’s difficult to listen to her lyrics knowing that she professes Christianity while at the same professing to be in a lesbian relationship. Though her previous music has great guitar riffs and god focused lyrics it is obvious that she currently puts little stock in a Bible centered lifestyle. Like my friend Dee she looked strong at the outset but may not finish well.

Looking at my life as a snapshot there would be many pictures where I would appear to be a pagan because my outward fruit did not match up with my heart. As Paul said in Romans 7, “For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body…” The measure of my life and each of our lives will not be how we performed at the start or middle of the race. The final determination will be based on our finishing well.