A Man's Man

Where do I look for a man’s man,
To teach me to praise, dance and sing?
I turn back to my Old Testaments’ nub,
To Jesse’s root; David the King.

For God’s honor he fell a Philistine.

He took Bathsheba to Gods’ chagrin,
Still his heart longed for his Shepherd,
God loved the kings’ heart within.

Oh, the depth of my own carnality,

No hope of standing clean before the Son,
David had an innocent’s blood on his hands,
Bright white like snow in Psalm Fifty-one.

I’ve two left feet and it’s all about me,

How will I look in another’s sight?
David cared only for Yahweh’s eyes,
Kicking heels up with all his might.

Where do I look for a man’s man,

When inside there’s a scared little boy?
When David tired of facing life’s fight,
In God’s presence he finds fullness of joy!

Where do I look for a man’s man,
When time comes for leaving all men,
To walk in the Valley of Shadow,
Goodness and mercy will still follow me then.

Photo by Akira Hojo on Unsplash

Not About The Farting Contests: An Eagle Scout Looks At Girls In Boy Scouts

Boy Scouts filled a hole in my life where manhood was empty.  In the formative years from 13 to 18 I craved maleness in all its permutations; bear hugs to farting contests; mental to physical challenges; moral to bodily growth.  Home provided little of this. Scouting provided most of it.

As a ‘males only’ institution Boy Scouts moved me from timid boy to early manhood.  Even the oath seems gender biased, ‘To keep myself physically strong...’ A co-ed environment would have shaped me differently.  This played out in a thousand ways. 

Guidance: Men don’t easily step into leading in volunteer organizations.  There is something unique in being led by men; and by the jostling together as men as a team.  Boys don’t see enough of this today.  Girls in Boy scouts will change that dynamic; women will take to those leadership roles and the men will step out. 

Camaraderie: You’d be a fool not to see it.  Men relate differently in all-male settings. In healthy settings we joke differently; usually in the midst of serious talk.  A twelve-mile hike in the Sierra or runs up the sand dunes at Port Hueneme elicit male responses.  “You carry that pack like my grandma,” evokes effort and laughter.

Leadership: We met on Thursdays.  Lines formed by rank and patrol. At times the older leadership would cajole the younger less experienced ones as drill sergeant to cadets. Leadership benefited by rank. On backpack trips camp set-up fell to those with lower rank.  Rank has rewards.

Servant Leadership: It’s the flip side. Merit badge skills are learned by men teaching men.  Old scouts scaffold younger scouts in skills---sewing, cooking, first aid, communication and management. Teaching comes by example. On a grueling backpack trip weak-kneed and novice couldn’t handle pack and trail.  The older leaders unloaded the packs from those tired shoulders and strapped them on top of theirs.  Rank has responsibility.   

When my wife goes on women’s retreats chocolates are placed on the pillows. Women sometimes sleep in the same bed. We don’t do that on men’s retreats. Camp cooking would have looked quite different with girls at the grill. Girls on the grill or girls on the trail change the dynamic of Boy Scouts.

(BTW I wasn’t a challenger in the farting contest. I was a judge.)

Building Things

It looked perfect in the store. Now I’ve got it home and fully realized that there a million pieces of this thing that I have to put together. First step; get out the instructions. I know I’m unique in this, but I don’t think I’m capable enough to do it sans pictures and information. Layout stuff on floor. Follow step one, step two…..Take a break to stretch the knees and back. Pop an Ibuprofen. More steps. Small frustrations. Done. Granted, the door needs to be adjusted---but still, it’s a thing of beauty, don’tcha think? (But what do I do with all of these extra parts?)

Towards the middle of the project, and especially once I finished putting it together…..This little voice in me sang; no, yelled, “I am a man.” You’ve felt it, right? After finishing a building project, or riding the bike, coaching the kids, killing the bug in the bathroom….I am a man! Its hard-wired into us.
I’ve been thinking some on this topic through leadership issues at work, challenges at home, and teaching I’m doing at church. Most authors that deal with the issue of manhood seem to agree on this one key principle: A man embraces challenge. Alan Medinger says that ‘we grow into the fullness of our manhood by doing the things that men do.’ John Eldredge writes, “ We need to know who we are and if we have what it takes.” Putting together furniture is part of that. But a small part. Dealing face on with relational issues in my life; when I really want to cut-and-run, that’s part of it. Being honest about my weaknesses—and my strengths---that’s part of it. And I’m finding that as I do these things---deal openly and honestly with my wife in the divorce process, admit my struggles with pornography and relationships, admit my intensity, quirkiness and unique personality style---a voice inside of me proudly says, “I am a man.”