Struggling With Sovereign Sufficiency

Two weeks out and I’m hoping the anchors will hold. The anchors holding my tendon attached to my shoulder, tethering me to six weeks of living one-handed. Not driving, struggling to put on a shirt, the wife helping to button pants.. Massive tear they said. Small rips are more common. And despite the wonders of how the shoulder works, with the rotator cuff and all it seems God should have built in an easier repair mechanism. Like when bones break. Cast them in plaster of Paris and they grow back. Rotator cuff involves attaching tendon to bone. A slower slipperier process.

When the refrigerator went out this week, I could only help my wife empty it one or two small items at a time. Uph. Life is making it clear that I believe my worth is predicated on how much I’m doing; let me help you with that, let me build that, plant that, carry that. When Jacob wrestled with God, he was doing something at least. It’s the inactive quiet I’m finding difficult.

There are over 700 verses where God tells us to be still. The most well-known perhaps, “Be still and know that I am God.” A friend who found Jesus in her teens told me she’d just come to the end of her rope, “You go through rough things and you realize there’s nowhere else to go."

“Trust Him for His grace, behind a frowning providence, He hides a smiling face.” We know this in our bones, God does His deepest work in those places our strength can’t reach. Difficult to be still though, to rest in Gods’ sovereign sufficiency. A drowning man thrashes about violently.

I’m not finding it easy relaxing at home, putting plans on hold and giving up control. A lazy river ride is relaxing initially; but what if you couldn’t get off?  I went walking, to get out of the house, break the monotony. A woman pulled up next to me and shouted (I’m wearing a sling), “I had that done 2 years ago. Keep at it! It’s worth it!” I’m thankful for surprises, for Uber and my wife’s patience. I’m working on letting go. Getting glimpses of that smiling face as I ‘surrender to divine providence.” My anchor holds within the veil.

 Photo by Art Institute of Chicago on Unsplash

Providence, Serendipity, and Getting A Rental Car

There goes my nice neat box. Tomorrow Hailey and I head out to the Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre (The name confuses me; how do they power up those big screens, small microphones and loud musical instruments?) for the Third Clay Foot Tour (Third Day, Jars of Clay and Switchfoot). But today, as I chugged up the steep grade to my house, my car blew up.

By God’s grace I was able to drive it into a gas station and call for a tow. Furthermore, my daughter’s school bus was late, so she was coming up the hill as the tow truck inched past her and her mom, my car proudly displayed. So her mom drove me home and offered to drive me to the airport.

No, I’m not flying into the concert. Where I live there is one car rental place. And they are out of cars. All three of them. So, it’s down to the airport to rent a car.

I’d already made plans to pull Hailey out of school. I’ve got the hotel reservations. I’ve Googled the directions. All the boxes that I can control I’ve taken care of.

I keep telling myself to get perspective, take a deep breath. This is not a big thing. Frustrating though, as we’ve had these tickets for half-a-year.

God’s timing is funny. He allowed my car to explode TODAY. But the bus was late so I got a ride. There are no cars for rent here. But Hailey’s mom’s willing to drive the 40 minutes to the airport. Gracious offer, and I’ll take it. Emotionally though, that’s 38 minutes longer than our usual conversations. Now I wait.

Will I be able to get a rental car? Will I get a ride down the hill? Will scientists agree on global warming? I’ll keep you posted.