Enjoyment at work is gone and now I go for the paycheck. That’s what it feels like most days. The thought gripped me that I may be at this job for an indefinite amount of time. That’s what gets to me, the indefinite. It keeps going on. Meanwhile I have to get out of bed every morning and get there.
So how the heck can I make it feel worthwhile to get out of bed? Yes there is all the theological stuff. That’s part of it. What things can I concretely do to make it interesting for myself. I started thinking about this at work.
It’s the downward spiral. I’m not having fun, I don’t allow myself fun, now I’m really not having fun. I need to break the cycle and attempt to have fun. Maybe skip down the beer aisle or sing or under-the-arm-farts while I’m making lattes (I haven’t done those since my daughter was younger). I need to work to keep positive.
Theology is positive and God is obviously part of the process. I need to keep God in the picture. I need to figure out ways to bring God into conversation and lunch breaks and foaming cappuccinos. The things I talk about are the things I need to do and keep doing.
The thing I talk about most is to keep fighting. I’m flashing back to my Boy Scout oath, “To keep oneself physically strong, mentally awake…” I need to find ways to stay awake when the doldrums press in. As Milo found when he ended up in the Doldrums,
'It shall be unlawful, illegal, and unethical to think, think of thinking, surmise, presume, reason, meditate, or speculate while in the Doldrums.'
"Well," continued the watchdog impatiently, "since you got here by not thinking, it seems reasonable to expect that, in order to get out, you must start thinking."
The main thing is, I think, to keep thinking, fighting and not get stuck in the Doldrums---to keep coming alive and staying content in the process
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