I can’t pinpoint the day the brokenness began. Even back to my childhood I remember seeking the Golden Haired Woman. In reference to Bly, Eldredge sees the Golden Haired Woman as mythological---our lost masculinity. Growing up my brokenness manifested itself through pride, arrogance, rebellion and a million other little sins. As a teenager I recognized this battle within me and sought spiritual solace in music. This wasn’t my best choice. Christ got a hold of me in my late teens.
The Bible speaks of a battle that we are engaged in once we end up on Christ’s side. Paul indicates that we have weapons of warfare specifically for the destruction of fortresses. These fortresses are primarily in our mind; wrong beliefs and belief-systems built up over the years. My fortresses were occupied by braided, long-haired women---again the mythology.
As I mature I find great joy in Christ’s presence. I enjoy music that celebrates Biblical truth especially if it is Christ centered. Still there are always times, some far worse than others, when this battle rages and the enemy’s fiery darts seem impossible to flee. I have bad days and good days but few days are battle free. I recognize this huge hole in me that I used to always fill with dreams of the girl next door. I wish this stuff didn’t bubble up so easily. I wish Christ would fill that hole completely, that I would learn to lean 100% on truth that destroys fortresses. I’m not there. I hate this.
Instead I trust in a risen Christ that secured my righteousness for me through dying on a cross. When my fortresses overwhelm I trust Him as Rock, Fortress and Deliverer. There I find the peace to rise and fight again the next day, and I presume the day after that til I see His face and am finally complete and free.