I can’t pinpoint the day the brokenness began. Even back to my childhood I remember seeking
the Golden Haired Woman. In reference to
Bly, Eldredge sees the Golden Haired Woman as mythological---our lost
masculinity. Growing up my brokenness
manifested itself through pride, arrogance, rebellion and a million other
little sins. As a teenager I recognized
this battle within me and sought spiritual solace in music. This wasn’t my best choice. Christ got a hold of me in my late teens.
The Bible speaks of a battle that we are engaged in once we
end up on Christ’s side. Paul indicates
that we have weapons of warfare specifically for the destruction of
fortresses. These fortresses are
primarily in our mind; wrong beliefs and belief-systems built up over the
years. My fortresses were occupied by
braided, long-haired women---again the mythology.
As I mature I find great joy in Christ’s presence. I enjoy music that celebrates Biblical truth
especially if it is Christ centered.
Still there are always times, some far worse than others, when this
battle rages and the enemy’s fiery darts seem impossible to flee. I have bad days and good days but few days
are battle free. I recognize this huge
hole in me that I used to always fill with dreams of the girl next door. I wish this stuff didn’t bubble up so
easily. I wish Christ would fill that
hole completely, that I would learn to lean 100% on truth that destroys
fortresses. I’m not there. I hate this.
Instead I trust in a risen Christ that secured my righteousness
for me through dying on a cross. When my
fortresses overwhelm I trust Him as Rock, Fortress and Deliverer. There I find the peace to rise and fight again
the next day, and I presume the day after that til I see His face and am
finally complete and free.
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