My friends are vulnerable.
It’s not something males are prone to.
I’m not certain females do it better than we do. Close friends know my failures. They’ve heard me when I’m caustic and
bitter. I’ve shared moral failure and perceived
failure. They’ve put arms around
me---and not stabbed me in the back. Stranded
on an island the most difficult thing for me would be to not connect with
friends. I am, we are, wired for
friendship; our souls long for deep vulnerability. This open place can be a place of peace and beauty. It can also be an unsafe, shaky and
scary place.
A friend once broadcast a personal failure that only they
knew about to my email list. That is one
dark side of vulnerability. That our
real selves including the darkest parts will be used to embarrass and malign
us. Friendship must be a safe
place. Our personal relationships and our small social groups must be safe.
The bible study groups I am involved in all have a rule: What’s shared
in the group stays in the group.
We all present one face to the world. Some attempt to live their whole life with game-face
on. Our Instagram and Facebook posts
present all our perfect moments to our audience. We don’t air our kid’s tantrums or arguments
with our spouse. Even at church
(especially at church?) we present Mr. Perfect Peace when chaos and crumble are
what life really looks like.
I know of three suicides in my circle in the last years. All male by the way. How depth of friendship may have broken
through. Not surface friendship—but deep
honest, transparent friendship. That’s the
treasure in friends. That’s the privilege
of prayer. It is soul shaking stuff to
let people in. It goes against
grain. Vulnerable and committed is the
safest and freest place to be.
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