The Numbers Of Our Days

The numbers are constant. Twenty-some thousand white blood count. Eight o’clock phone call from the nurse’s station. Another delay. When it looked like coming home was an option. Pills at four-hour and twelve-hour intervals, Room 432, Stage 3 to stage 4. Phone call on top of phone call. Souls turn bitter that marinate in this. Being steeped in friendships leads to thanksgiving.

Three of us huddle together after church.  These two friends voice prayer for my wife and her mom to a God that is triune. One by one friends text. They drop by. Those inside the inner circle give permission to call them anytime; to scream, to ramble, to question, to complain, to be…Trying to count them, the sum of caring people surprises me.

“As for the days of our life, they contain seventy years, Or if due to strength, eighty years, Yet their pride is but labor and sorrow; For soon it is gone and we fly away.” The Psalmists’ cry is that we learn to be wise with our days. A lifetime of 24-hour days. Hospital stays and every trial seem an interruption. They are not. They’re part of the whole. It’s not a giving up or a giving in. It’s a working out, sorting out, hanging in; “And confirm for us the work of our hands; Yes, confirm the work of our hands.”

Photo by Jack Sharp on Unsplash

Rekindling Love

Jesus tells the church in Ephesus, “I hold this against you, you have forsaken your first love.” This weekend is our church retreat for men. In looking over the itinerary I see we are covering basics, evangelism, discipleship and confession. I got to thinking about my own life and the tenets of faith. I see so much that I do that is Christ maturing me. I pray differently now than before. I trust God to hear my prayer whereas as a young believer so often I wondered if He listened or heard.

The flip side is that it’s easy to lose sight of the early astonishment of it all. Early on I feared God differently. Now it is more as father than as scary big-as-the-universe God. There is a fine line there someplace. True I can rest in my heavenly dad’s love for me. Still it is good to tremble at the fullness of all that He is.

That inkling of thought for me, that nudge from the Spirit, is to rekindle those first amazing understandings of God. To pray to Him as He is, to surrender to Him as He deserves, to worship in awe at the fullness of Him who holds all things together by His hand. In that balance between trembling awe and childlike comfort lies the secret of staying in love with God.

Politics and Platitudes: A Provoked and Passionate Response

I bristle easily. There are situations which provoke in me a defensive posture; flaring of the nostrils, passionate response, narrow minded, narrowed focus.

Things like bad hermeneutics, bad theology, inconsistent political viewpoints. I guess that if I didn't feel strongly about my opinions I wouldn't be blogging. In the last couple of days I've gotten into heated discussions with three people. I almost got thrown out of my neighbor's house.

He would probably consider himself a Republican and a conservative. At dinner, he made a comment about how people who make a lot of money should be heavily taxed. Because, he said, they're rich and can afford it. Not that I'm going to change anytime soon.....but it's probably not ideal to call your neighbor a Socialist while you're having dinner at his table.

I get in trouble at bible studies too. I go to the study telling myself, "I. Will. Not. Talk." I'll just listen and lend support. Then, somebody will make a comment such as, "All Jews will go to Heaven because they're the Chosen People." Ooohhh noooo, here I go.

Another thing that bothers me are false and easy platitudes. For example, when I was going through the worst of my divorce, I was ready to punch the next person that said to me, " God will give you beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3). Yes, they meant well---but at the time it felt empty and didn't touch my hurt, nor my heart.

Which gives me pause to think. How can I graciously respond? How do I positively provoke?
I've grown less abrasive and more compassionate. But still have a ways to go. I guess I need to pray. Because, after all, "Prayer Works."**

**Although it may not work the way you think it should. But does work according to a loving Sovereign God who governs the Universe according to His plans.

An Anchor for the Soul

In the arms of Your mercy I find rest ‘Cause You know just how far the east is from the west,
From one scarred hand to the other….
Casting Crowns

As I tried to synthesize the key events of this week for this post, what I realized was that many of them were events that either, significantly stretched me; or were so outside of my control that there was nowhere to go but God. In each case, I found the strength to persevere through prayer, and the occasional singing of worship music.

At work there are the new management opportunities. Dealing with the manager at the training store. I work in a kosher environment; and this manager has told me and her staff that we are not to eat while on the premises. The other day she was behind the counter eating some shrimp. “You may as well have dragged a pig back here,” I advised her. She takes long lunches, long breaks, and leaves early. Than she complains about how her staff doesn’t want to work. It’s frustrating for me; more frustrating for her usual employees. So I pray for strength, wisdom, and patience in abundance.

Friends of mine are missionaries in Asia. Their latest two newsletters report that seven of their co-workers have been expelled from the country. Additionally, many of the local believers are under house arrest and others are being threatened by police who say that what the foreigners are experiencing is nothing compared with what they have in store for them. Where else does one go except to Him who:
Changes the times and the epochs;
He removes kings and establishes kings,
He gives wisdom to wise men,
And knowledge to men of understanding.”

This weekend was Hailey’s 11th birthday. A good time, a great celebration. But all of Hailey’s mom’s family were there. And then her pastor stopped by. A thousand things I wanted to say; but didn’t. Prayer, the lyrics from Casting Crown songs, and more prayer kept my soul at peace.

Finally, there are my own personal demons. Besides the normal everyday battles, events have transpired this week that brought together strong feelings having to do with the divorce, loneliness, and the desire for female companionship. And sometimes, even though I am blessed with a rich circle of friendships, the depth of feeling and complexity of issues necessitate crying out to God.

“No one can possibly move forward in the strength of the Lord until he has stood still in the midst of his own helplessness.”