Tuesday, October 02, 2012

Why We Would Lose The Amazing Race

We can’t be on The Amazing Race primarily because I’m always right. If we had a disagreement on a taxi or which challenge to take my decision would be the right one. Even if my decision was the wrong one I would insist that it is the right one. I would eat crow if necessary and confess my error but en route I would be an annoying teammate.

My wife is not good with directions. She reads a map well but has difficulty orienting the map. If for example the map was upside down she would be able to tell me what the map said but it would not be correct. This has been a source of drama on all of our trips. On our honeymoon there were about two hours of silence after a heated discussion trying to find a park.

My wife is indecisive and won’t commit on many issues. I suspect she does this to keep the peace. If at home I ask where she would like to go for dinner she has no preference. This applies to a number of different issues but not to fashion. If I prepare to leave the house in black socks and sandals she has a strong opinion on that. If my shirt is not fashionable she will let me know. So if the days’ contest involves good and/or bad fashion then we will be strong.

Last but not least I blame my wife for gray areas. If I am under duress, for instance little sleep and strong competition I will get cranky. If a ticket get lost or we miss the obvious clue of the man wearing blue juggling African Swallows I will blame my wife. This isn’t a good strategy under normal circumstances and would not play out well on film in the company of others.

Despite our fantasies of being on The Amazing Race it would be horrible. I haven’t even mentioned my hatred of big bugs, gross food and my fear of heights. We would be the couple you hate, especially the controlling husband. On the first leg it is not ‘well done’ that we would hear but rather, “You are couple number twelve. You are the last to arrive. You have been eliminated.”