Tuesday, September 04, 2012

The Doldrums Continued

Seared into my mind as a teen was the image of a sailboat stuck in the ocean in a dead zone aka the doldrums. I disliked feeling trapped with no control in a place of boredom or forced inactivity. I am no more fond of that feeling now that I am an adult. I like to be moving or if my body is inactive to have my mind engaged in reading or movie. The only reason to sit in one place without those occurring is taking a nap.

My mind kept running to the hopes for a different (better) job and more money. In reality I was stuck in the little kiosk I work in. I was alone with little or nothing to do. Enter sailboat imagery or mental video of airplane in death spiral…

Yesterday I made the decision to pull out of those mental death spirals. Each time (and it felt like a hundred times) the spiral began I actively engaged my thought process. I planned menus for winter getaway with the wife, I thanked God for his attributes, I sang hymns and spiritual songs. I wouldn’t say that I felt elated once I changed course but I’d kept my vessel moving with the wind.

This isn’t going to be as easy as I’d hoped. I’m continuing to pray for a change of venue. Still there will be days, maybe (gag) lots of days, where I feel dissatisfied and dead in the Doldrums. The plodding along is difficult for me. I must remind myself that someone has said that the important thing is that God find you at your post. I hope that when He does I’m engaged and not sleeping.

Video courtesy of Papergygre's photostream

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