“Tiredness makes cowards of us all,” somebody once said. I’m posting this at eleven p.m. and feeling every bit of tiredness and melancholy. It’s been a long day filled with work, a wedding, a car purchase, and a quarter day of travel. Being bone tired messes with my perspective. The day was filled with blessing; the wife’s, mine and other peoples.
At the wedding we sat around a table as you do with acquaintances and people you know. Talk turned to work. Each of the guys at the table was either on a career path upward or had reached a pinnacle and was ready to retire. I’m at mid-point between the two and couldn’t help but feel that career wise I should have done something else. In the light of day I’ll see that the choice I made allowed me to be a great dad to my daughter, to experience great places and to have freedom. Tonight I’m doubting the trade off.
The bride and groom are blessed to have two loving Christian families with fathers that raised them by life example (which means, in part, that the fathers were present). Not a choice I had. Remorse ebbs in and I feel the regret for the type of family and father I never had. In the morning I’ll see that I was taken in by other fathers and other families-given a hundred fold more than I deserved.
Soon I will crawl into bed and hug my wife. Sleep will overtake me. Morning will come as it always does with loud alarm, robust coffee and bright sunrise. I’ll look forward and wrestle with a life that counts. For hope doesn’t disappoint me-but it does keep me on my toes.